No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
True strength comes from lack of pants
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