There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
