remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
