I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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