I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
