I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
