i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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