She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
