I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
