it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
