you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Two words: blizzard sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
