You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
