Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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