My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Text me some of your sweat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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