My cat gives me a boner
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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