puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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