Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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