Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
