I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
