umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
