thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
