Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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