I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
