I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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