I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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