He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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