She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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