we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
