Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
