he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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