If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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