It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need moral support for this bender
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
