She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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