just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
