my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
