Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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