LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
