Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
