It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
