just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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