I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
