no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
