Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
