i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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