Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
