I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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