now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
