I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
