Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
