did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
