Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
