There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
