she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
