my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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