Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
